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Rev. Joseph Downey, SJ

In tenth grade, a nun asked whether I ever thought of being a priest. I answered, "Not particularly." She then asked, "If God wanted you to, would you?" I thought, then said, "Yes, I would." Finally, she said "Would you be willing to pray: 'God, if it be your will, make me a priest'?" Again, I thought, then said, "Yes, I'd be willing to." And so I prayed from that day on, from an abstract sense of right, not from any real anticipation. Little did I know.

As a freshman at Xavier University in Cincinnati, I welcomed my mother's holiday visit, presumably on December 8th. As we walked, she asked, "Joe, what do you think you want to do?" meaning what did I want to do with my life. Out of the blue, to my complete surprise, I answered, "Mother, I think I want to become a Jesuit!"

Some 65 years later - in October 1999 - I did something I had wanted to do in my late years; I published a book. Considerably autobiographical, its title is Searching for the Christian End-Person: An Inside Story (Loyola Press). What's an end-person? Well a baby is a beginning-person, so you figure it out.

If anyone is interested in the whole story, I'd suggest reading the book. Considering that I served as America's managing editor and later as editorial director at Loyola Press, it probably reads pretty well.

I used to tell retreatants, "There's someone up ahead waiting for you. Why don't you go find him or her?" It reflects the thought that God has a clear idea of what kind of individual he wants us to become and that he will help us make that happen. Not that it's ever clear, beyond maybe the step just ahead.

In effect, there's a pattern, under grace, that gradually takes hold if we pray and grow, and win and lose, and question and strive, and love and weep enough, until providence and personal direction finally take shape in an end-person not too distant from the one God had in mind.

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