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William (Bill) Murphy, SJ

As I stared at the spreadsheet on my office computer, the urge to pick up the phone and tell someone about the feelings I had been having about priesthood overwhelmed me. I contemplated a phone call to a priest I liked and respected, thinking that he would laugh. From the narrow point of view I had then, I fully expected it. Despite my heart's attraction, my intellect had a hard time taking the idea seriously. After all, I had not spent four years of college studying Economics to enter the seminary. Only two years out of school, my life was "on track" in Indianapolis. I enjoyed work, friends, and my parish. I had been dating a wonderful woman since senior year of college. I asked myself if I really wanted to give up the career and the family life that I had always pictured.

Making that call changed my life. Far from laughing, the priest was thrilled with my interest in his religious community. He invited me to dinner and introduced me to his province's vocation director. I continued to visit them and talk with them about my future. After several months, I asked the vocation director, "I like your community. You are a good group of guys. But how do I know that you are the right religious order for me?" He gave me great advice. He told me to look around and visit other orders. My choice for them or another would become clear. Shortly after that I found the Jesuit homepage and sent an inquiry.

A confusing time followed. I seemed to oscillate in my desires. One week it was the Jesuits, the next I saw myself in another order, and the next I wanted to get married. Over time, my spiritual director and I sorted all of the conflicting feelings out. The phone call and the e-mail turned out to be pivotal steps in finding my truest self and revealing the vocation Jesus calls me to. I wish I could say that it was my intimate knowledge of Jesus' love that inspired me to enter religious life. In reality, my relationship with Christ was just getting underway. It all started with an irrational feeling. I now know that feeling as the thing that matters most-the substance of my growing relationship with God.

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